


Ten Months

by abeautifullie3



Category: Supernatural AU-RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Angsty Schmoop, Butchered Attempt At A Russian Dialect, Dirty Talk, Don't Do Anything With My Work Without My Permission!!!, Kinda-Sorta Graphic Birth, M/M, Mentions of Abortion (no abortion), Mpreg, Probably errors…so many errors, Romantic Comedy, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:41:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abeautifullie3/pseuds/abeautifullie3
Summary: I may have athingfor Jared knocking up Jensen.That's it.That's the summary.Ohalrightfine…  I suck at summaries, but here…Jensen gave up dreams of having children for overgrown man-child, Jared – Jared dead set on NOT having kids.Sometimes…fate.(Heh.  Told ya I sucked!)
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 15
Kudos: 155
Collections: SPN Cinema





	Ten Months

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** The story, being a 10-month baby born under the sign of Taurus, EMDR therapy, and (eventually) the 'curly fireflush' begonia, are mine. Jensen and Jared, not mine. :::pouts:::  
> To the best of my knowledge, **absolutely none** of this has happened outside of my vivid imagination. Pity...at least the good bits.  
> Perhaps not flesh and blood, the characters within are very much unique individuals unto themselves.  
> The views held by the characters are not necessarily my own, and I most certainly can not claim for them to belong to the real Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki.  
> While, on occasion, I may use a few factual tid-bits belonging to the Js, nothing in this story is meant to represent the real men beyond general appearance, and no harm is intended by using the Js names/likenesses in my creative works.  
> ( _Seriously. I would never want to upset Jared or Jensen, and would promptly change the names or take down the story if asked._ )
> 
> No real-life family members of J2 are used in this fic.
> 
> **I ask that my work not be remixed, reworked, translated, or reformatted in any manner without my permission. With exception to the summary, header information, and brief excerpts, my work may not be re-posted or distributed elsewhere in large part or in whole. Thank you.**
> 
> **Additional Notes:** Written for the 2019 round of SPN_Cinema, over on LiveJournal, and inspired by the movie, _Nine Months_.
> 
> A nod to what's probably my most favoritest Mpreg!Verse, _The Seahorse!Verse_ (https://memphis86.livejournal.com/tag/the%20seahorse) by memphis86 (LJ).
> 
> Credit for closing lyrics to Radio Company(https://radiocomusic.com), _Sounds of Someday_.
> 
> This fic is 3 days late, less than half the word count I intended it to be, a solid 3 drafts short of my preferred writing/editing process, and down to the fucking wire on SPN_Cinema's gracious Amnesty Day for posting late.
> 
> I _reallllllllly_ hope some of you enjoy it!
> 
> **♥ Comments – and Kudos – are very appreciated and highly adored!!! Absolutely ALL con-crit is desired as well! ♥**

**_ ~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~ _ **

Jared’s philosophy was: "commitment kills". Not that he screwed around. Not that he could even fathom wanting to be with anyone other than Jensen. The man was his fucking soulmate.  
Plenty of similar interests for mutual appreciation, enough differences to keep their individual identities. Gorgeous like staring into the sun, but substance that Jared could readily admit he didn’t really deserve. Jared was selfish, he could cop to that too. And Jensen, Jensen took care of him. Catered to his whims without being a pushover. Bent, but didn’t allow himself to be broken. Okay, so maybe Jensen let go of his want for a houseful of rugrats for Jared. Left a dream job to follow Jared halfway across the country for his. It wasn't like Jensen had submissively cowed without thought to either. He’d given it consideration, made Jared compromise. Jared not a "pet person" still had willingly conceded to a couple of cats from the shelter over kids. And even though he’d miss holidays abroad, it was worth giving it up for holidays with friends and/or family to not lose Jensen when Jared had gotten the job offer of a lifetime.  
Move made to Seattle three years ago, Jensen had gotten the pair of cats, and Jared had surprised him with a pair of matching, etched platinum bands. Told him there was no attached proposal, and it was as much of a promise as he was willing to make. Jensen had still cried. "Happy tears" he’d sworn. Had clamored onto Jared’s lap so fast, brand new deep russet leather sofa still covered in crinkly, brown packing paper, mess of partially unpacked moving boxes surrounding them, and the two new fur-balls looking on. Had ridden Jared’s cock until they’d both yelled their release, loud and guttural, glad for having the entire top floor of the old brick warehouse to themselves – _and_ a floor of storage units below, for the dozen or so tenants in the building. Long as the music wasn’t _too_ loud, they’d be getting no noise complaints during the notorious parties they were known to throw.  
Five years together, three since the rings, and Jared knew perfectly well Jensen would like a ceremony and some stupid official papers to go along with the bands. Never said a specific word, rarely made a subtle hint, still, yeah, Jared knew. Much as he loved Jensen, it just wasn't happening. Far as Jared was concerned, only logical reason for marriage was if you were going to have a family. Which, they weren’t. Jared _certainly_ wasn’t. Not ever. Trading trips and parties and fucking anywhere in the house, at any time, for diapers and teen angst and everything in-between? Jensen’s attention on a squalling infant, or a whiny brat, instead of on Jared? And worse, having to be a responsible role model? No fucking thanks. File that right under another form of commitment, and Jared loved his freedom too much.  
Sure he had a job, Jensen had his too. There was flexibility there though. Jensen could always find someone to cover easily enough. And not like Jensen’s job teaching kids drama, or leading the classes over at the community rec center, were about the money. Jared’s job kept them more than comfortable financially. Yeah, sure it had been the money that had gotten Jared's keen attention and consideration when the job was offered, but it was the lack of rigid hours – again, that word he loved, _freedom_ – that had sealed the deal for him. Jared got to do the work he loved – design luxury homes, and the occasional new office building – and he got to do it mostly from home and with a due date, not set hours.  
He got to enjoy the, not always necessarily finer, but rather adventurous and exciting things in life that he loved. Traveling around the world, and even spontaneous road trips. Concerts and parties, and get-aways with friends – skiing, camping, or out on the water. And, he got to do it all with the man he loved.  
Him and Jensen, they were gonna grow old together. Jensen could have his "fur babies" (and yeah, whatever, Jared could admit he kinda liked having the fur-balls around too), and get his kid fix by teaching the little rugrats. They were gonna be happy, carefree, and all with no unnecessary documents saying they _had_ to be together required.  
Far as Jared was concerned, life – with Jensen – wasn't good…it was fantastic!

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

"You’re going to the doctor."

Jensen groaned. Rolled away from Jared and his stupid authoritative voice. Curled in on himself like a pill bug and tried to ignore another wave of cramps low in his belly. "Not. ‘m fine."

"Ha!" There was no humor in Jared’s laugh. "Right, you’re perfectly fine. Because puking your guts up for three days straight is totally normal."

"’s just the flu."

"Like it was ‘ _just the flu_ ’ three months ago? When you almost never get sick, and now this?" Jared tore back the covers from Jensen’s huddled body, dropped the clean t-shirt and sweats next to him. "I already called. They can squeeze you in ‘bout an hour. Got ten if you want to grab a quick shower, brush your teeth, which I highly recommend ‘cause, man, I love ya, but you’re rank."

For as nurturing as Jensen prided himself on being, he made a horrible patient. The tears weren’t even a choice.

"Aw, babe, come on, I got ya."

Just like that, and Jared was picking him up, Jensen cradled in strong arms and lips pressing to his clammy forehead as he was carried into the bathroom. Set upright on his own two legs with the gentlest of care, Jared striped him with tender yet determined efficiency – a petulant pout all the resistance Jensen had strength for.

**_~J + J~_ **

Around an hour and a half later, Jared in the waiting room, Jensen sat on the exam table in the itchy paper gown doing a poor job of keeping his modesty. Startled by the loud rap on the door, there was no time to say "come in" before Dr. Chambers was once again entering the room.

Flipping through presumably Jensen's chart, Dr. Chambers spoke, "You’re a Carrier. It wasn’t in your paperwork."

" _Excuse_ me?"

Dr. Chambers nodded. "Ah. You’re obviously not inter-sexed, as I found no vaginal opening behind your scrotum. And I’m taking it your change didn’t come at puberty."

"Listen, Doc, no offense, but I think you got things mixed up here, I’m not–"

"Mr. Ackles, you _are_ a Carrier. No doubt about it. In fact, I suspect your late change is most likely what’s been making you ill. The fever, hot flashes, nausea, and abdominal cramping? All symptoms. Goes a little easier when it happens at puberty. Late bloomers, it can be rough going."

"I…I had the flu. Couple-three months back," Jensen mumbled, head tilted down and staring into nothing.

"Hmm. Not unheard of for it to take several months, intermittent bouts of flu-like symptoms. Still, let’s get some blood and a urine sample. Run a few tests. Looks like over four years since your last routine physical, I’d say you’re overdue for a full workup either way. Take a week tops to get all the results back, I’ll give you a call if anything’s amiss. Meantime… Rest, hydrate. I’ll send some scrips to the pharmacy for the cramping and nausea."

"Doc, I don’t… You can’t just tell me I’m…I’m…"

Dr. Chambers nodded, reaching for a notepad and pen. "This really isn’t my area of expertise, although my partner is a Carrier." Dr. Chambers scribbled on the paper. "My partner also keeps harping on me to work on my bedside manner, I apologize." Handing the paper to Jensen, he patted the man on the knee. "Those are the two main books Gabe swears by, and the forum he uses. If you still have questions, I’m going to suggest you see someone who specializes in this field. They’ll be able to help you more than I can."

**_~J + J~_ **

He told Jared it was a virus. Nasty one, the doctor had said. Had a way of making its way back around for another couple of goes. Was running some tests just to be on the safe side. Jared accepted the diagnosis with a dubious nod, and Jensen felt like a real shit for lying to him.  
Tell him the truth? No, not yet. Jensen couldn't do it. Had to know more himself before he even attempted to explain it to Jared.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Back home with prescriptions, and ginger ale, soup, saltines, and rainbow sherbet (the kind with lime and orange and raspberry, _not_ lemon), Jared settled Jensen in with provisions before shutting himself in his home-office with a looming deadline. Jensen had his laptop on before he even heard the office door click closed.  
The recommended books purchased and sent to his Kindle, Jensen signed-up and dove into the forum.  
He knew a little. Intersexed males weren't as uncommon as they had been even some twenty to thirty years ago. The basics were covered in grade school Sex-Ed, a little more detail in high school. He'd paid enough attention for being gay, not enough for being single-sexed. Or so he'd thought.  
Roughly 15% of males were intersexed. And of those, 10% were born with a small vaginal opening below their scrotum, along their taint. The remaining 5% were either born with – though typically it developed during puberty – a unique internal reproductive system. Less than 1% of those failed to develop until later in life.  
Or so the Home Page of _IntersexedMales.org_ said.  
Another click, and Jensen was learning all about the new, and disturbing, ways his body was changing inside – and promptly leaning over the bed to lose what little lunch he'd gotten down into the wastebasket.

**_~J + J~_ **

The meds helped. As did, somewhat, the support Jensen found through the forums. Another couple days in bed, and he was back to himself. Sort of.  
Jensen was a natural born nurturer. Had always wanted kids. Made him wonder if somehow his subconscious was aware of what his body would eventually be capable of. And _had_ he known… But, even when it had been thoughts of surrogates and adoption, that decision had come and gone, replaced with 6'5" of overgrown-man-child and love having zero qualms about making you take it like a bitch whether you wanted it or not. Jensen didn't have any choice in loving Jared any more than he did in needing oxygen to breathe – it just was.  
Not quite what he'd planned for it aside, Jensen loved his life. So what if he had cats and plants instead of kids? He had Jared to look after too, and "little wifey" that made him…he _liked_ it.  
Jensen loved taking care of his "babies": the green ones, the furry ones, and the overgrown shaggy-haired one. He took pride in keeping up their home (with absolutely no issues having a maid in once a week for a deep clean), and found joy in cooking most of their meals. He considered shopping and running errands to be fun, as opposed to tedious and frustrating hassles. And planning parties for their friends gave Jensen a creative thrill, a bonus rush and sense-of-achievement-high when the kudos for pulling it off rolled in.  
Yeah, okay, so he'd left behind his dream job of being a grade school teacher to move halfway across the country for _Jared's_ dream job. He'd debated about it, hard. Had been on the fence for weeks. Jared giving him space, time, until he'd finally nudged. Had come home with a ' _Curly Fireflush_ ' begonia, and a heart-shaped cheesecake from _Betty Lou Who's Bakery_. Jensen had just about caved before the demands for compromise had sprung from his lips, surprising them both. Giving up future kids and his job? He'd wanted more than another houseplant (precious, beautiful thing he was totally naming George, that it was), Jensen wanted cats. At least two, with a place holder for a potential third. And moving away from his home, family and friends? There would be no more travels abroad for the holidays. Any traveling would be back to their soon to be old home, otherwise spent in their new home or with friends they were certain to make.  
Jared had dropped to his knees, buried his face in the soft pooch of Jensen's belly and muttered words of affection and unworthiness. Had swiftly undone Jensen's jeans and pulled him out, lovingly worshiped his cock and sucked him down enthusiastically.  
Jensen had come with a shout, legs buckling and taking him to his own knees where he'd kissed Jared stupid and breathless, muttered against cock and kiss swollen lips, "I'mma take that as agreement."

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Jared had insisted Jensen didn't have to work, the new salary to go with the new job well over what they'd both been making combined. Jensen had doubly insisted he did, if for no other reason than the importance of retaining his sense of self. Just as Jared had his own interests outside of Jensen – his career, his running – Jensen needed things _his_ own. It wasn't healthy, or conducive to his happiness and fulfillment, to be solely defined by his love and care of Jared.  
While Jensen had majored in education, he'd minored in theater, and the local Performing Arts school had just so happened to have a position they were all too happy to have Jensen fill: part-time drama coach for the ages seven to thirteen group. Never what he'd imagined doing, it was good. Fun and challenging. And it gave him his teaching, and kid, fix.  
A year after the move and settled in, he'd taken on another part-time gig at the community center: one class a week each, leading adult yoga, Pilates, and barre.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Yeah, Jensen loved his life. Had no regrets, the decisions – and concessions – he'd made when it came to being with Jared.  
Still, unexpectedly discovering what his body was capable of… He needed a minute to mourn. All those kids he'd imagined having, knowing that suddenly the potential for them was right there inside of him, and yet… Jared.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Their fourth date, in the park. Gorgeous day, a picnic and throwing a Frisbee around.  
They were both already falling.  
Making out on the blanket Jensen had laid out on the grass, they'd been interrupted by an all out wail. Little dude couldn't have been more than four, obviously wandered away from his guardians and Jensen had been up and rushing over to him, squatting down low to talk to the tyke when he'd launched himself into Jensen's arms all tear streaked face and runny nose. Didn't take more than walking through a copse of trees to find his distraught parents, the siblings clamoring and cheering, more excited by the mishap than concerned. Reunion made and Jensen thanked profusely, he'd gone back to find Jared glad enough the kid was alright, but making clear – in no uncertain terms – that he didn't want kids. Ever.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

No, not only did Jensen need a mourning period, he had some hard decisions to make. What wasn't an issue before suddenly was, and Jensen knew his partner well enough to know he'd need assurances. No promises, rather guarantees.  
The fact of things as they were now: Jensen could get pregnant. And if he did, well… The "morning after" pill wasn't an option for men, not yet, though it was being worked on. And not that Jensen thought he could ever bring himself to it regardless, with an 80% mortality rate for the Carrier, termination was a non-option as far as he was concerned. Which, brought him back around to how **_not_** to get pregnant.  
Jared despised condoms, even if they were fool proof. Which they weren't. And though birth control came with potential side-effects Jensen would be willing to deal with, it wasn't 100% either. Jared getting "snipped"? Again, no guarantees. (Otherwise, Jensen had a sneaking suspicion, it already would've been long ago done.) No, the only thing that was absolute: surgical removal of Jensen's reproductive system. Refusing to fathom a potential future without Jared, one where he was free to have children, even without that to consider Jensen wasn't all too sure it was an option he'd be willing to take.  
So much to consider. To inevitably discuss with Jared. None of it easy. And never going to be a perfect time to bring it up. Still, two days out from Christy and Mark's anniversary party out on the yacht, Jensen decided he'd at least wait until after then.

**_~J + J~_ **

Jared reached over from the driver's seat and took one of Jensen's fidgeting hands, entwining their fingers together. "Babe, if you're still not feeling up to snuff, we can canc–"

"No, no," Jensen shook his head, "it's fine. I'm good, really." Lifting their joined hands, Jensen kissed the backs of Jared's knuckles and smiled softly at his partner.

"Guess you still seem…out of sorts, ya know?"

"I do," Jensen agreed. "Maybe…" There was an uncomfortable pause before he finally went on, "Think it's like you said before: I almost never get sick. So getting whammied twice like that…" Jensen trailed off with a shrug.

It wasn't like Jensen, like either of them, to keep secrets from one another, and yet Jared couldn't help feel there was more to it. "Jens, you know you ca–"

Jensen's phone rang.

Eyes on the road, Jared still caught Jensen's full-bodied flinch in his peripheral. Glancing over, Jared saw him pale, his brows furrow, as Jensen stared at the screen.

"What's wrong, Jensen? Who is it?"

"I…uh…nothing. Just…the doctor's office. Sure it's fine."

Jared wasn't getting "fine". "Should I pull over?"

"No, that's not… We're almost to the docks. I'll just…" Finger swiping right across the screen, Jensen answered. A curt, "This is." was followed by a series of yeses and nos before a startled, " _Excuse me_?"

Fuck. Jared's knuckles went white around the steering wheel. Could Jensen be… Was he _sick_? Not flu sick, but _bad_ sick? The mere thought alone had Jared's heart rate kicking up, beads of sweat breaking out along his forehead and the back of his neck beneath his hair. Another quick look and he could see Jensen shaking.

"That can't–" A pause. "No, but are you sure? Could it–" Another break, longer. "I… No. Later. I'll…I'll call."

Jared heard the soft _thud_ of the cell phone hitting the footwell. Nearly missed his turn with his eyes drawn to Jensen. No good place to stop and almost there, he kept driving despite the sinking swoop of his stomach and the bile in his throat. Despite the way Jensen looked entirely lost beside him, so clearly shook by what he'd been told. "Jensen…"

Silence.

"Whatever it is, we'll… We…we'll deal with it, alright? But just, I need you to tell me–"

"I _can't_."

Less the words it was Jensen's tone that had icy tendrils of fear spreading beneath Jared's skin. "There is nothing you can't tell me, Jensen. _Nothing_." Destination straight ahead in front of them, Jared glanced over to Jensen, catching his eyes and nothing short of terrified for what he saw there in stark, blown-wide, shades of green.

Jensen turned away and stared down.

All of the horrific possibilities racing through his mind, and all Jared knew for certain was he couldn't lose Jensen. He _couldn't_.

"I…I'm…"

The rest nothing but a jumble of hushed syllables, Jared pressed, "I didn't… Jens, I couldn't understan–"

Still muttered, whispered, "Pregnant. I'm pregnant, Jared," the words were clear enough.

"You're _WHAT_?!" Everything around Jared was suddenly spinning faster…faster…

"Jared."

"No. No-no-no, you can't…"

"Jared!"

" _How_ the _fu_ –"

" _ **JARED**_!"

Death grip on the steering wheel, and right foot reflexively, unconsciously, taught and tensed against the gas pedal, top down and from 15 MPH to instantly too damn fast, Jared crashed the BMW convertible through the fencing along the docks…and straight into the Pacific ocean.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

For as absurd as the accident was, and as tragic as it could have been, a crucial bit of luck was on their side.  
Tourist schooner full of divers just docking as the car took its plunge, four of the several still suited up hastily reattached and checked their gear to swiftly dive in after them – the captain of the boat calling it in to the coast guard and 911.  
Jensen and Jared fished out of the ocean like a couple of prized blue marlins to the cheers and applause of dozens of onlookers, were shaken but safe. Waiting paramedics of course still insisted on examining them.

Each given the all clear, Jared looked up from where he sat on the ground to where Jensen was perched on the back of the open ambulance. Mouth opening only to promptly close again, repeatedly, a single word finally made its way out, "How?"

Jensen visibly recoiled before going still. Eventually shaking his head, he shrugged off the stiff blanket draped around his shoulders and stood. With an audible huff and the roll of his eyes, he stomped off – an officer almost immediately trailing after him.

Jared watched Jensen walk away, leaving, and still he couldn't move. Couldn't find the words to shout out even if he could get his voice to work. Instead he silently stared on as Jensen was finally stopped by the officer, just barely within hearing distance.

Driver's license handed over, along with a snarky, "Not sure what good my number will do you, seeing as my phone's at the bottom of the Pacific," before he proceeded to give it to the officer anyway.

Jared couldn't make out a good minute of conversation before an obviously distressed and overwhelmed Jensen was shouting.

"Look! Neither of us had been drinking. No drugs. I…I told him I was pregnant and he…he… He was shocked, okay? Are we done here? I really need for us to be done here."

The officer saying something about a few more questions, Jared was suddenly on his feet and moving before the pushy officer's partner stepped in, uttering hushed words to the man before nodding to Jensen and telling him he was free to go, that they'd call if they needed anything else from him. Before Jared could reach the group, Jensen was off again, as fast as his long bowlegs could carry him, and leaving the two officers to resolutely make their way towards Jared.

**_~J + J~_ **

Jensen looked impossibly small – six-one, two hundred pound frame curled up tight on the end of the sofa – where Jared found him hours later once finally free to return home. He looked fragile, morose, and still Jared couldn't hold back his anger, the sense of betrayal consuming him. "You left me there."

Throw blanket tugged closer, Jensen nodded. "I couldn't…"

Jared shook his head, dropping the bag of their assorted belongings that divers had rescued from the car – or fished from the ocean where they'd floated to the top – onto the entryway floor. "The man I planned to spend my life with essentially tells me he's been lying to me for years. Thrusts this…this… _news_ , this… _thing_ on me, that I made perfectly _fucking_ clear I **_never_** wanted. My car's at the bottom of the damned _Pacific_ and yet _you_ , you're the one that ' _couldn't_ '?"

"Jared," Jensen whispered, strangled and voice quivering.

"How the _fuck_ could you do this to me?!" Jared roared, the shaky sound of his name over Jensen's lips only making his indignant fury soar. He stalked over to the sofa, looming, threatening, even though he would never…could never… "Why? Just… Damn you, Jensen. Damn you to–"

"I didn't know!" Jensen cried out, tears rushing down his face and balled-up fist slamming down against the arm of the sofa. "I didn't fucking _know_ , alright?"

Jared scoffed. "No, not 'alright'. Like you really expect me to believe you weren't aware–"

Jensen sighed, muttered through tapering sobs, "It wasn't the flu."

"Excuse me?"

"Fucking less than 1%," Jensen mumbled, obviously struggling to speak up as he went on. "Didn't know I was a Carrier, Jay. Damned fraction of men… Doctor says those couple months ago was my 'change', this last bit my body not taking well to getting pregnant so soon after."

What he was hearing unbelievable, yet _knowing_ Jensen was telling the truth, Jared deflated. Turned and dropped down on the sofa with enough force to bounce Jensen where he sat.

"Okay. This is…unexpected."

Jensen snorted, a caustic sound.

"So, we'll just… Wait!" Jared's body practically convulsed with the hasty way he turned toward Jensen, hand darting out to grab a bare ankle peeking out from beneath the throw. "Are you okay? I mean…"

"Not even remotely." Jensen turned towards Jared, face drawn and pale, the stress and weight of his burdens heavy in lifeless eyes gone a murky greenish-brown.

Jared nodded, ran a thumb along Jensen's skin. He got it. Jensen was safe, healthy – given the current changes to his body. But no, not much about the situation was "okay". First things first, they'd have to–

"An abortion is out."

"What?! _Why_?"

"Even if I'd consider it otherwise, which I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, there's an 80% mortality rate for the Carrier. I'm not willing to take those odds."

" _Well shit_."

Jensen jerked his ankle away from beneath Jared's hand, a murderous glare creasing his brow.

"No, no, I didn't… _Shit_ ," Jared hissed again. "Of course we wouldn't risk that, that's not what I meant. Just didn't realize…" Shrugging, hands lifted in a useless motion before dropping back against his lap, Jared sighed.

"I know you don't want kids."

"You're right. I don't. But here we are."

"I can pack my stu–"

"Shut up. You're not fucking leaving me. We'll figure it out, alright? Just, one step at a time."

"Jared."

Jared ignored the hopeless utterance of his name, ignored the queasy feeling in his stomach at the thought of being a father or losing Jensen, he wasn't sure which, probably both. Ignored his own urge to flee the situation, and barreled on, "I'm gonna assume you need to see someone. Someone like my sister."

"I'm not going to your sister."

"Why the hell not? Kayla specializes in just this, and my sister is fucking awesome. You love my sister."

Jensen huffed. " Kayla _is_ awesome, and I _do_ love her. Was thrilled as hell when she decided to move here to start her own practice. And while I love shopping with your sister, drinking wine and shooting the shit with your sister, and going on double-dates with your sister, I'm not all that keen on having Kays getting up close and personal with my parts. Get me?"

"Oh." Jared hadn't considered…yet found himself blushing upon doing so.

"Yeah, 'oh'." Jensen rolled his eyes, tugged the throw blanket tighter. "Dr. Chambers referred me to someone I guess. When he called earlier, he said they'd be calling to set something up."

"Uhh, we're gonna need new phones."

Bitchy frown on his face, Jensen shot out a leg, kicking the side of Jared's thigh. "Ya think?"

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

Dr. Yuri Antakov was a middle-aged man with a thick accent and choppy English. Handsome, looked a little like Baryshnikov, or so Jensen thought. Polite enough, his demeanor was still slightly off-putting – nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers, as Jensen's great granny used to say.  
Jared offered to stay in the waiting room. Jensen insisted he go into the appointment _and_ exam. It wasn't so much a comfort or support thing, as wanting Jared aware of everything first hand. Complete transparency. And if Jared had questions, Jensen wanted him to be able to have them directly answered.

Sitting at the desk in Dr. Antakov's office, Jensen answered one question after the other as the doctor went over his medical history, typing away on his computer with a little furrow of concentration between his brows.

"Okay then. I have program I make myself to determine when to expect the arrival of your little one. I will be clicking here, and here, and there we go! Detka will come first of April."

April first. Terrific. Jensen caught Jared shifting in his peripheral and promptly poked him in the ribs with a hushed, "Shut up."

Oblivious to the discord, the doctor continued on, "That then would be putting contraption–"

Jensen arched an eyebrow. "Contraption?"

Dr. Antakov peered out from behind his computer monitor. "Interception?"

" _What_?!" Jared squawked.

"When it was you both were making baby?"

"Conception?" Jensen offered, suddenly feeling as unnerved as the doctor looked. The situation was difficult enough without things being lost in translation.

"Conception! Yes! Your conception was 26th of June."

" _What_?!" Jared questioned again, more distress than confusion and bringing him to perch on the edge of his chair.

"Conception? That is right, no?"

"Yes," Jensen barked at the doctor before turning to Jared, frustrated by the confusion, and apprehension growing over his partner's obvious upset. "What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_? How about we start with how this whole damn thing is wrong, and move right along to how I wasn't even in _town_ on June 26th – in fact I was gone that _entire week_!"

"What?! That can't be right. The Houston conference was–" Jensen was promptly cut off by the iPhone shoved in his face. "Shit."

"I can't fucking _believe_ you right now, Jensen. Who the hell was he, huh? Did you let him fuck you in _our_ bed?"

On the verge of vomiting or screaming, Jensen went with the later, turning his fury on the person responsible and glaring at the shaking man attempting to hide behind his computer monitor. "Check your fucking program!"

"I am sorry, but please, I put in right. My program is nothing wrong."

Jensen stood up, flat palms smacking down onto the desk. "Run it again!"

Dr. Antakov held up his hands, defensive as if he was afraid Jensen might strike him. Jensen wasn't so sure he wouldn't. "Please do not to yell at me!"

"Just leave the poor guy alone and admit it, Jensen."

Jensen whirled on Jared, "I did NOT cheat on you!" and back to Dr. Antakov, "Run. It. AGAIN!"

Dr. Antakov cried out, flustered and frightened, quickly turning to his keyboard. "I will put this in, and this in, and it is same– Oh."

" _Oh_?" Jensen and Jared echoed each other.

"I…I see. Maybe I… Yes, yes. Let me try…" Several clicks of the mouse, and Dr. Antakov warily looked around his monitor at Jared. "Were you home 19th of June?"

Jared worked his lower lip between his teeth, thinking.

Watching Jared take such thoughtful consideration over something that shouldn't require a second-fucking-thought, Jensen thought back himself to the date in question…and immediately began to blush. Clearing his throat, he leaned over and whispered into Jared's ear.

First listening, Jared drew back sharply and turned to lock eyes with Jensen. "That was _that_ night?"

"Mmmhmm." Jensen nodded slowly, bashful grin on his face despite the tension still in the room.

"I, uh, yeah." Jared squirmed, coughed. "Yeah. I was home."

"Ah! There we are then!" Dr. Antakov cheered, tossing his hands up into the air and laughing. "Was simple mistake. I put you in as woman."

Pausing mid-sit, Jensen took a moment to contemplate _NOT_ sitting back down, and rather marching straight out of the office – with or without Jared. Frustrated and annoyed, Jensen dropped down and glared at Dr. Antakov. "No, Doc, not a woman. No vagina. And just because my stupid body can make babies now, just because I'm not hung like _some_ people," icy-green slits cast sideways towards Jared, "doesn't mean I'm a fucking girl."

"I am so, so, _soooo_ damn sorry, Jens," Jared mumbled, trying to take Jensen's hand.

Slapping the hand reaching for his with a loud _smack_ , Jensen growled under his breath, "Shut up. I'll deal with you later."

"I am apologize again, Mr. Ackles. Please, your body is wonderful to be making detka, and I am sure you are having a lovely penis."

Jensen and Jared's eyes blown equally wide, they both watched as Dr. Antakov stood from behind his desk.

"Now if you will handsome, and tall, so very tall, men follow me please, we will go to perform the extermination."

Freezing mid-stand this time, Jensen shouted, "The **_what_**?!"

"I thought you weren't getting an abortion," Jared leaned in to whisper, only to be roughly shoved away.

"I'm **_NOT_**!"

"I am sorry, extermination is not right?"

Swiftly losing his patience, Jensen glowered. "Oh, very, _very_ not right. Try again there, Doc."

"Uhh…ex _am_ ination?" Jared offered with a shrug.

"Yes! Examination! Please, come!"

Trailing the doctor side-by-side, the tension radiating off of both of them, Jensen and Jared followed Dr. Antakov down the hall, the man motioning them on when he briefly ducked into an office. Wordlessly, they stopped and waited for the man when they realized they had no idea which room they were going to.

"I am sorry," the man startled them from behind, "but you have a pussy, no?"

Jensen and Jared balked, Jared eventually giving voice to yet another dismayed, " _What_?!" while Jensen sighed with his final put-upon nerve. "Pretty sure we just covered that, Doc."

Dr. Antakov shook his head with a confused grimace. "My English… A koshka. Is…" Giving up, he plucked something from Jensen's sweater, holding it out as he hissed and made a clawing motion with his hands.

"Our _cats_?" Jared exclaimed.

"Yes. I am sorry, you will have to dispose of them."

Both of them equally appalled by the mere suggestion if their expressions were anything to go by, before either Jensen or Jared could question or argue the demand, Dr. Antakov slipped past them into the exam room, the two of them left standing in the doorway to stare in slack-jawed horror as the man prepared.

The exam table which should have merely invoked ominous apprehension quickly turned to a contraption of torture. Dr. Antakov hitting this button and pulling that lever, the table bucked wildly like an infuriated bull. One stirrup adjust to an odd angle even by a contortionist's standards, the other jarred them with a sharp _clank_ as it hit the tiled floor. The table's appendage back on – upside down – Dr. Antakov turned his attention to the ultrasound machine. Picking up the wand he fumbled it…and promptly dropped it. Retrieving it from the floor he finally looked to his terror-stricken audience of two, and laughed nervously. "Please. For the internal exam, I do this many times. It is not, how you Americans say it? My first rodeo?" Twirling the _internal_ wand, Dr. Antakov patted the exam table with a repeated _thwack_. "Giddy up!"

If they were alarmed before…

Jared swiftly moved to stand protectively between Jensen and the exam table, turning back over his shoulder with a firmly whispered, "Run!"

Not needing to be told twice, Jensen bolted.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Safely in the elevator and descending further away from Dr. Antakov, Jensen stood next to Jared, both of them facing forward, bodies taut with tension. Another floor lower, Jensen spoke, "You thought I would, _could_ , cheat on you. Were willing to believe some stupid computer program over the trust I thought you had in me."

Jared sighed, shoulders slumping under the weight of his terrible mistake. "I… Jensen, I don't even know what to say. This entire thing has me thrown, off kilter and thinking crazy and I… I'm a fucking idiot. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, as long as we're clear on that whole you're an idiot part."

"We are. I swear, we totally are."

"Good." Jensen accepted the hand that reached out for his, let his fingers intertwine with Jared's. "Oh, and Jared?"

"Yeah?" Jared's voice was shaky, leery.

"I changed my mind. Call your sister."

**_~J + J~_ **

It was meant to be cathartic. An outlet for Jared's pent up thrumming frustrations. Work off some tension and angsty energy. Somewhere along the line, he lost the back and forth rhythm he and Shane had going. The steady, exerting, give and take. Discord laying siege in his mind, Jared became more forceful, Shane beginning to grunt laboriously with what he was being given, struggling to keep up the harder Jared went. Putting every ounce of anger he had into it, Jared roared.

"Motherfucker, Jared!" Shane yelped, diving out of the path of the green ball speeding towards him like a furious felted missile.

Jared threw his tennis racket across the court, as though it had affronted him personally. "Fucking _DAMMIT_!"

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, man?" Shane shouted over the net, watching his best buddy stalk over to the flung racket.

" **I don't want to be a motherfucking father**!" Jared's voice thundered across the tennis court, the racket snatched up only to be sent soaring once again.

Gingerly, well aware the dangerous animal he was approaching, Shane made his way over to the net. "Yeah, pretty sure the tennis racket isn't trying to make you one. Care to fill me in on who is? Thought Jensen'd given up on all of that? Thought _you_ didn't screw around on him?"

"I don't, and he did, and yet…" Jared paced back and forth, perfect imitation of a caged lion. Halting suddenly, he tossed his arms into the air. "Jensen's pregnant."

" _What_?" Shane shook his head, stunned. Cautiously trailed Jared the opposite side of the net over to a line of benches. "I didn't know he…"

Grabbing up a towel and mopping his face, Jared dropped down onto the bench in a defeated sprawl. "Yeah, well, neither did we. Apparently he was a late-fucking-bloomer, so to speak."

"Oh. Oh shit, man, I'd heard of it happening that way, but…shit."

"Apparently less than 1%"

"Wait. Does this have anything to do with your bimmer being a new toy for the Pacific marine life?"

Jared shot Shane a glowering look, Shane simply pursing his lips tight and nodding silently.

"So, uh, is he gonna, you know…"

"Oh yeah, believe me, I _know_. And no, he's not. Can't. Not really. Mean he _could_ , but odds are the procedure would take him out too. Can't risk it. And pretty sure he wouldn't've considered even if it was safe."

"He wants it. Like, no matter what, wants it?"

Shoulders hunching and head hanging, Jared nodded. "Think so."

"And you no matter what don't." It wasn't an unnecessary question, rather a blanket statement that had Jared turning to look at Shane with a deep sorrow in his eyes. "Even if that means ending things with Jensen?"

Jared sighed, the full weight of the dismal situation in the sound. "I don't know, man, I just don't know. I love him. More than anything, you know that. But me, a father? I can't… I don't _want_ to."

**_~J + J~_ **

The appointment with one Dr. K.P. Fitzpatrick, MOBGYN, was a stark contrast to that with "The Mad Russian", and gratefully so. Kayla was smart (top of her class), warm, and had a fantastic (if sometimes inappropriate, in the right company) sense of humor. The décor of her offices was testament to that, the woman fully embracing the longstanding joke of her being a "seahorse doctor", and going with an oceanic theme not only in colors and murals, but featuring a massive aquarium in the waiting room – complete with a pair of live sea horses. Beneath the reception desk hung a custom-made sign, denoting if "The Seahorse Doctor" was "in" or "out".

The anticipated awkwardness was a given, Jensen remaining stuck on how Jared should be the only Padalecki to have knowledge of – let alone entrance to – his ass. Still, Kayla's downright crude joking went a long way in alleviating the tension.  
Kayla was also well aware of how her kid brother felt about children, and more importantly NOT being a father. She did a good job of tiptoeing around the issue, keeping things light while technical, and reservedly letting the two men know she thought the surprise was a wonderful one, and all would work out.  
She did however miss what Jensen caught: Jared slipping a couple of pamphlets on adoption into his pocket.

**_~J + J~_ **

Two days later, the pamphlets made their way to the corner of the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Dinner had been quiet. In fact they hadn't talked at all since Jared had gotten home from work – sequestering himself in his office until Jensen had hollered it was time to eat.

Jared loading the dishwasher while Jensen washed a few items by hand, he eventually cleared his throat. "Did you even look at 'em before you tossed them out?"

"Nope."

Snorting, Jared shook his head. "You always wanted kids."

"You're right, I did. Not gonna deny it. But I've always know _you_ didn't. And I made my peace with that, our second year together. Much as I wanted them, I wanted _you_ more."

"This changes things though, doesn't it? You won't even consider–"

"No, Jared, I won't. I don't think there will ever come a time when I don't love you, but you're right. This changes…everything. I'm… I don't want _this_." Suds and droplets of water flying, Jensen used soapy hands to wave up and down his torso. "What I am, have become. What my body can do now. This wasn't ever how I imagined having kids, before you. Or if you ever changed your mind. But now that I'm here, and this life is inside of me…"

Breath heavy with frustration, Jared slammed the dishwasher shut. "So you're going to chose it, over me, aren't you?"

"Dammit, Jared!" More dishwater flew, Jensen dropping the scrub brush and slamming his hands along the edge of the sink. Turning his head, he looked Jared in the eyes. "Honestly? No. I'm not. 'cause this _choice_? It's on you, Jay. I loved you enough to give up on having a family full of children. I loved you enough to give up my dream job, not only so we could move halfway across the damn country for you to have yours, but to allow more flexibility in my schedule so I could better cater to your whims. And I never resented _any_ of it. Did it selflessly and gladly. But now? With this twist of fate – not even something I set out to do intentionally – it's gotta be your turn to make a sacrifice for us."

Jared nodded, one hand propped on the kitchen counter he turned towards Jensen. "And… I don't think I can. Not this. 'cause that's just it, you've always loved me more than anything, or anyone. And now suddenly this, this… _interloper_ , you're gonna love it more. Which, yeah, sure, is how it should be. Your kids come first. But I'm too damn selfish for that, Jens." Jared threw his arms out wide, dominant and cocky. "I can fucking admit that. But worse is, and this I may hate but at least I can admit it too, is that I'm pretty sure I'd just end up resenting you both."

Standing there still, silent, jaw working tensely, Jensen eventually grabbed a dishtowel and dried his hands. "Well. I guess there's nothing left to say."

"Jensen, please." Jared reached for him with the distressed plea, Jensen swiftly moving out of his grasp. "Won't you even–"

"Don't, Jay, just don't. As is I'm heartbroken, disappointed in you. If you come right out and ask me to… Don't. Don't make me hate you too."

**_~J + J~_ **

Jensen couldn't bear to stay. Not even just overnight. He packed two suitcases, and a satchel with his laptop and a few other odds and ends. Jared once again locked away in his office, likely with his earbuds in, Jensen left a note on the end of… _their_ bed, swiping angrily at his tears.  
Out of their home, out from the building, and into his car, Jensen realized he had no idea where to go. Anxious just to get _away_ , Jensen started the car and drove. He knew he couldn't flee from what he truly wanted to, the pain of everything gone wrong. That was something that wouldn't be shaken easily – if ever. Still, he kept going. Driving aimlessly until he couldn't see, only then realizing he was crying a torrent of tears. His heart was breaking.  
Jensen forced himself to get his bearings. Downtown. Two more blocks and a left, he pulled up outside of the hotel he didn't even bother to note the name of, concierge gathering his bags and valet taking his keys.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Three days later, Kayla called. Three days of staying burrowed beneath the covers and binge watching _Penny Dreadful._ Of not ordering near enough room service, sleeping too much, and having the maid bring one box of tissues after another until the woman had simply brought Jensen a dozen. Three days of not wanting to talk to anyone (the missed calls and voicemails requiring three swipes to wade through). And yet it being Kayla calling, Jensen afraid it might be about the baby, some lab test come back wrong, he answered.

"My brother is a fucking immature, brainless, asshole. Now tell me where you are, I'm coming to get you."

Overtaken by another onslaught of tears, Jensen didn't have it in him to protest, giving up the hotel name and room number amidst hitching sobs.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Kayla took an Uber. In the room, she hugged Jensen tightly for a good ten minutes before getting him dressed. Gentling him from the room and down to the lobby, she checked him out and had them bring his car around.  
An hour later she had him settled in her guesthouse.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

"Not that I'd mind having you in the main–"

"No."

"I thought as much. This way you're close, if you have want for company – or need for your doctor – yet it's still your own private space. And consider this indefinite. Hopefully just until my giant man-child of a kid brother decides to grow the fuck up."

"Kays."

"I know. I'll stuff it. For now. But you've got the kitchenette, nothing fancy but you can cook a meal in it, and there's a second bedroom that we can do up for a nursery– Oh now dammit, please don't cry, Jensen." Taking the sobbing man into her embrace, Kayla soothingly ran her hands up and down a back that was getting too thin. She knew his late transition had been beyond rough. Then the accident, and the pregnancy, and her fucking brother… Jensen had been sick and stressed for months. And if Jared wasn't going to give the man the TLC he needed, she would. Didn't matter Jared had never made it legal, Jensen was family. _And_ carrying precious cargo – that was her niece or nephew brewing in there. "Never mind, kid, you go on ahead and cry."

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Another phone call with her brother – Jared relieved to know Jensen was somewhere safe, though remaining adamant he would have to be the one to cave and give the kid up for adoption if they were going be together – and Kayla was demanding her royal dick of a brother needed to box up Jensen's belongings. She and her husband Heath would come by on the weekend to collect it all.

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

The weeks passed.

What began as Jensen putting his mark on the guest house, making it a home – _his_ home – eventually turned to full on nesting. Indeed, the second bedroom was slowly being transformed into a nursery.  
Though he'd called out both times he'd been ill, and the week right after the break-up, Jensen kept up with work. It wasn't about the money – he had savings, and Kayla refused rent – he needed the purpose, the distraction. Kayla had assured him the activity shouldn't be an issue, however into the final trimester they'd need to reevaluate.  
Distraction being what he sought, distraction is exactly what Jensen got. Besides work and _nesting_ , there were the birthing classes and support group meetings Kayla had gotten him set-up with – both specifically for Carriers.

**_~J + J~_ **

Jared shuffled towards the annoying sound of banging on the door. What had ever possessed him to give Shane the passcode to bypass being buzzed in, he'd never know.

"Open the hell up, you sulking fucker!"

Jared undid the locks, flinging the door open and turning away before Shane had even stepped inside. "What do you want?"

"Uh, world peace? Cure for cancer? Natalie Dormer in a cheerleading outfit riding my face? Oh! I know, how about you _not_ being a stubborn, self-centered, dickhead, and going and making things right with the man you're still in-love with but stupidly let go?"

Jared chose to ignore the last part. "Dormer wouldn't give you the time of day."

"She would if she knew what I could do with my tongue." Shane stuck out his exceptionally long and dexterous tongue, making Jared queasy with the way it writhed.

"You're disgusting."

"Hey, just 'cause you prefer to eat out a different hole, don't hate."

Jared shrugged. Shane had him there. Fuck he missed Jensen. "Seriously, man, what are you doing here?"

"Get changed, we're going out."

"Uh, no. _We_ are not."

"Totally are." Shane stepped around Jared to drop down and sprawl out on the sofa – sniffing as he went. "And, dude, shower first, you're fucking rank."

"Shane–"

"Two months, man. I gave you two whole months to either get your head outta your ass and make things right with Jensen, or to pull it together and get out of this funk. Time's up. Either we go out, or I start making random calls down my Contacts List and post an open party invite on my IG with _your_ address. Up to you."

Jared growled, "You wouldn't."

"Know damn well I would."

"Asshole," Jared grumbled, turning and heading for the bathroom. He really did stink.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Four nights over the following two weeks, Jared "let" Shane drag him out. Four nights of drinking at the bar, listening to Shane prattle on between turns on the dance floor with one overdone, underdressed, potential new notch on his bedpost, to the next, and Jared coolly dismissing random advances from women and men both.

The fifth night, green eyes and spiky short hair coaxed him into a bathroom stall. Dropped to his knees and smiled up at Jared oh-so-prettily. But the lashes weren't long enough, nose too round and lips too thin. Jared's fly wasn't even down before he started to shake his head. Mumbled, "No, this isn't… I can't…" as he eased the guy up by his shoulders and back to his feet.

Even if it meant hiring security to fend off the party-seeking-heathens Shane led to his door, Jared was done… Almost. It was easier to give in to the, " _One_ , Shane, I fucking mean it." blind date than hire security.

**_~J + J~_ **

Marcy reminded him nothing of Jensen. Dark hair and crystal-blue eyes, petite little body with ample cleavage on full display. They laughed amid a series of stand-up routines at a local Comedy Club, and talked easily, comfortably, through dinner afterwards. She was a nice enough woman, and another time maybe… 

Driving her back home, Jared could admit to himself he'd enjoyed the company. Still, as attracted to her as he was, his dick having given several interested twitches during the evening, she wasn't what he wanted – _who_ he missed.

Pulling up along the curb of her house, Marcy turned and smiled at Jared. "Do you want to come inside?"

"I had a great time tonight, Marcy, but think I need to decline."

"Okay. Well," Marcy leaned in closer to Jared, a brazen hand suddenly on and gliding _up_ his thigh, "maybe if I put it another way… Do you want to come inside _me_?"

Jared balked, eyes huge in the dim light of the car. Lost for words, he yelped instead, small hand cupping his traitorously chubbing cock.

Marcy purred into Jared's ear, "Mmm, bet you need a Magnum for this bad boy, don't you?"

Hissing against the kneading pressure on his cock, Jared grabbed Marcy's hand and promptly removed it. "Look, Marcy, I, uh…appreciate the offer. I do. I'm sure you'd be…intense. But I kinda have to pass."

Recoiling away from Jared, as if he'd hurled a series of insults at her, Marcy glowered at him. "Seriously?"

"I just… Honestly? My partner and I, we broke up recently. And he's pregnant, and I'm not ready to be a father, and everything's a mess but I still miss him so damn much, and–"

Marcy interjected by swiftly opening the car door and getting out. Leaning down, she looked inside. "You've apparently mistaken me for your therapist, and, honey, I just want to get laid."

Jared flinched before the car door even slammed.

**_~J + J~_ **

Jensen held up the impossibly tiny, pink onesie. It was official, he was having a girl. The pregnancy and his status had been enough of a surprise, he'd griped at Kayla when she asked if he was sure he wanted to know.

"It's cute," the man beside him offered, "but I thought you were staying gender neutral no matter the sex?"

"I am. Mostly." Jensen shrugged, smiling shyly at his friend as he dropped the onesie – along with two itty-bitty frilly dresses – into the shopping cart.

Makoa, along with his wife Heidi, had become fast friends. First meeting them at the support group, they were all amused to discover themselves in the same birthing class as well. Heidi'd had complications with their first child, and Makoa born an intersexed Carrier had gone through IVF and was carrying their second.

"You're thinking about him again."

"He should be here, you know? He should _want_ to be here."

Rolling his eyes, Makoa sighed. Watching the tears building and rolling over, the towering and burly Hawaiian pulled Jensen into his arms – second trimester bellies warring and making for an awkward embrace.

The startled "Eeeep!" drawing the attention of both men, Jensen and Makoa turned to stare at the woman staring wide-eyed back at them – slender arm tugging her equally staring toddler in closer to her side.

"What is the matter with you, woman?" Makoa blustered. "Have you never seen two pregnant men having an emotional moment in the baby department before?"

Looking both shamed and flustered, the woman swooped up her child and turned to scurry away.

Jensen laughed. Burst out in a loud guffaw, shaking belly full of baby, laughed. Makoa downright giggling, only made him laugh harder.

Makoa grinned, obviously proud for changing his friend's tears of sorrow to ones of humor. "Come on, I need to find a breast pump. Dare say you do too, my friend." Makoa nodded towards Jensen's ever-so-slightly plumper pecs.

Looking down, Jensen squawked. "Oh come on!" Yet another change happening to his body, Jensen'd been obstinately ignoring the slow development of his "man boobs", desperately hoping they wouldn't become noticeable.

Seeing the put-upon frown on Jensen's face, Makoa laughed, yanking the cart and Jensen along. "Part of the process, my friend. The joys of fotherhood."

**_~J + J~_ **

Jared hadn't been able to get Marcy's words out of his head. They hadn't stung. He'd been thrown, shocked even, yes. Insulted? Not so much. Still, they'd had an impact, if not in the likely way they'd been intended. Nearly a week of them in surround sound echo inside his skull, and a sleepless 4 a.m. – tossing and turning while clutching a pillow that had long since lost Jensen's scent – found Jared on his computer doing an in-depth search.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

The waiting room smelled like patchouli. Exotically designed tapestries on the walls, beaded bamboo curtains draped over the windows, and a water fountain lively trickling in the corner all gave to the Indian market meets head shop vibe. Dr. Morgana Pendry, PhD – clinical psychologist – was late-fifties, graying chestnut hair in a braid down her back, a bohemian embroidered mid-thigh tunic over wide-legged linen pants, and as hippy-dippy New Age as they come. She also had well over two hundred five-star reviews between Google, Healthgrades, and Facebook – and the credentials to go with.

His idea to make the appointment, Dr. Pendry still had to poke, prod, and wheedle Jared into opening up, a word vomit of his history with Jensen and the current crux of the matter once he did.  
Talk therapy and EMDR, to get to the root of things, was what Dr. Pendry suggested. Discover if there was a way to alter his stance, if it would even be prudent to do so. Feeling time was of the essence, given Jensen's condition, she scheduled Jared for two forty-minute sessions a week – Jared equal parts rueful and mulish in agreeing.

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

Annie Lennox belting out _Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves_ from his cell, Jared picked up and answered without hesitation, forgoing a polite greeting, "Let me save you the tirade, Kays. I'm an immature jackass, I get it, but I started--"

"Jared! It's… It's Jensen. An ambulance is taking him to Mercy West, I'm on my way in now. I thought you should know."

Before he could ask…anything, Kayla ended the call. Jared stared at his phone. Blinked once, twice, then jumped up and ran for the door, jacket and keys grabbed on his way out. A minute later he was back to nab his shoes, though he didn't bother putting them on before he was once again racing for the car.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Jared skidded to a halt in front of the ER reception desk, obliviously cutting in front of a woman cradling her arm, and panting out Jensen's name along with his sister's to the glaring receptionist.

"It's okay, Monica, I've got this."

Jared's head jerked up at his sister's voice. "How did you…"

Kayla snorted. "You texted me three minutes ago, said you were five minutes out."

"I did?"

Lightly laughing, Kayla walked over and patted Jared on the chest. "Relax, breathe, he's alright."

"Jensen, he's okay? You're sure?"

Kayla arched an eyebrow, then took Jared's arm and led him aside – out of the way and more private. "He passed out. Gave his noggin a good knock when he went down – thankfully a wood floor and not concrete, or we'd be looking at a fracture instead of a nasty goose egg."

"Shit, Kays! You're sure it's not more serious, his head?" Jared questioned again, obviously distraught.

"Got the CT back and it's all clear. Got him on fluids now, and I'll keep him overnight to make sure he doesn't have a concussion."

"Fluids? I don't… Wait! Why did he pass out in the first place?"

"Exhaustion. And dehydration. He hasn't been sleeping well." Kayla peered at Jared pointedly. "Overexerted himself a bit, and keeps forgetting he's hydrating for two. I restricted him down to one class a week at the Community Center, whichever he thinks he can manage best with his belly."

"His belly," Jared muttered under his breath, eyes downcast and thoughtful before he looked back up at his sister. "Can I see him?"

"Why?"

Jared cast Kayla a patented, 1000-watt BitchFace.

"I'm serious, Jare. He doesn't need anymore upset. Today…hell, the last few months, Jensen's going through enough. Doesn't need you going in there for a live reminder of what he's missing."

"He misses me?" Jared flinched against the stinging, backhanded _smack_ to his bicep. "Ow!"

"You really are a complete dumbass, you know that, right?"

"I miss him too, you know."

"Not gettin' any sympathy from me, bud. I know you didn't want kids, Jaybird," Kayla continued, softening slightly. "Sometimes life throws shit at us we don't want, but if there's good enough reason we make the best of it. And that's a seriously crappy analogy on my part, 'cause no way am I saying my niece is comparable to life's less than stellar parts, but–"

"Wait. Did you say niece?"

Kayla huffed. "Jensen's having a girl."

"Huh. A girl. A daughter."

Giving Jared a considering side-eye, Kayla went on, "My point… I always thought Jensen meant everything to you. And if he'd done this deceptively, I'd get it, I would. But he didn't. This didn't only happen to you, Jare, it's happening to him too. And… I just think this is the universe telling you to fucking grow the hell up. Stop being so damned selfish. Look," Kayla sighed, "I've got to go do another ultrasound – just a precaution, I'll do another before I discharge him tomorrow too. I'll ask him if he wants to see you. Go splash some cold water on your face. Hit the gift shop. Then come up to the third floor, room twenty-seven. If it's unlocked, you can come in. If not…" Kayla shrugged, patting Jared once again on the chest before turning and walking away.

**_~J + J~_ **

The door was unlocked.

A light rap, then slowly, head peeking around as if to be sure he had the right room, Jared opened the door. 

The room was bathed in the soft light of the setting sun, a gorgeous view of purples and pinks and golds to the west out the window made a backdrop for Jensen on the bed – resting back comfortably, protruding belly bared…and glistening with a layer of gel.

Holding the bouquet of flowers and massive stuffed penguin like a shield, Jared tentatively inched his way towards the hospital bed.

"A penguin?" Jensen questioned, eyes barely giving a glance towards Jared before they were back on the sonogram.

Jared shrugged, shy. "Saw it in the gift shop. Made me think of that book, _And Tango Makes Three_."

Jensen snorted, an ugly, contemptuous sound. "Yeah, well, they **both** _wanted_ their baby."

"Jensen, I–" Jared stopped, a sudden, steady whooshing _thump-thump-thump_ filling the room. His eyes darted from Jensen to the sonogram. "Is that…"

"Your daughter's heartbeat?" Kayla offered, smirking at her brother. "That it is. Steady as she goes," she added, winking at Jensen.

Jensen finally looked fully at Jared, watching him stare fixated at the 2D sonogram. Clearing his throat, he nudged Kayla's arm with his foot. "4D?" he questioned.

Kayla raised an eyebrow at Jensen, quickly glancing at her brother then back. "You wanna? She's in a good position for it."

They hadn't done one. Not strictly necessary, Kayla had told Jensen if he wanted to they'd do it once. Previously not having much interest in it beyond mild curiosity, Jensen couldn't help feeling if ever the time was right…it was _right_ now. Squirming slightly, getting more comfortable, he relaxed and nodded.

Kayla beamed…and did her magic.

Jared watching, mesmerized, his head tilted to-and-fro like a quizzical puppy. And suddenly, he gasped. Flowers and stuffy dumped onto a chair next to the bed, Jared was drawn forward by black and white outlines turning to vastly clearer sepia tones of their daughter.

She yawned.

Kayla laughing at the image, Jensen and Jared's hands shot out in unison, fingers interlocking as though instinctively knowing what they were meant to do, where they belonged.

"Alright, you two, I will send you the mp4, and back it up to disc." Shutting down the ultrasound machine, Kayla then tossed Jensen a towel and pack of wet wipes for the goo on his abdomen. Noting their still joined hands, Kayla smiled. "And with that, I will leave you boys to it. You," she added, stepping toe-to-toe with Jared and waggling a stern finger in his face, "do NOT upset him. Doctor's orders!"

Duly chastised, Jared nodded, only turning back to Jensen when Kayla'd left the room, attention drawn to the ample swell being wiped clean. "You got…big."

Shooting Jared a murderous glare, Jensen yanked his t-shirt down over his burgeoning bump. "Way to _not_ follow doctor's orders, asshole."

"Oh, shit! No, _no_ , I didn't… _Fuck_ that came out wrong."

"Not exactly sure how calling me _fat_ was supposed to come out right."

"I'm screwing this up," Jared muttered, swiping a hand down over his mouth and chin. "Totally not how I meant it, Jens, I swear. Just… I'm kinda in awe of it. It's…amazing. Wouldn't've thunk it, but it, well, looks good on you. Right somehow."

Jensen sat there, eyes downcast, cheeks flushing. Awkward silence tick-tocking by, he eventually spoke, "I don't know why you're here. Want to believe it's because you were worried. About me…the baby. But I can't help wondering, thinking… Thinking you only came because you thought maybe I'd lost her. Or that something would be really wrong and they'd have to… And if that happened, that everything could go back to the way–"

"Oh my… _no_ , Jensen, NO! Stop!" Jared rushed forward, obviously alarmed at Jensen's disturbing thoughts. Quickly lowering the bedrail, he sat on the edge of the bed, taking up the hand without the IV between the both of his.

"Then you've gotta tell me, Jay, I need to know why you're here."

Playing with Jensen's slightly swollen fingers, staring at them as though maybe they held the answers to the universe, Jared muttered softly, "I started going to therapy."

" _Excuse_ me?"

An emotional dam burst. "I'm seeing a shrink, and I'm reading all the pertinent baby books I can find, and the only thing I know for certain about anything and everything is that I can't live without it." Tears flowing freely, Jared dropped forward, damp cheek resting atop the swell of Jensen's stomach.

Momentarily stunned, Jensen simply stared, his hands finally coming back online before his brain seemed to, reaching out and stroking hand-over-hand through Jared's silky, shaggy hair. "Shhh. I'm here, right here, babe."

"Can't lie to you, Jens," Jared choked out. "Tell you I suddenly want to be a father when I don't. But I _do_ want to try. Want to love you and support you. Be there for you… _and_ her, the best I'm able. And fuck I really need that to be enough. Need you _home_ , Jensen, please."

His own tears welling up and silently falling, Jensen swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. So many things left uncertain, unsettled, and yet Jensen mirrored Jared in one crucial way: he couldn't live without him. Realistic or not, sufficient or not, what Jared was saying, offering, it _did_ have to be enough.  
Nudging Jared to sit up, Jensen took hold of his face with gentle hands. Fingertips stroking tear-damp skin before cradling exquisite features he'd never tire of gazing upon, he urged Jared forward – tears and snot be damned – and claimed his salty lips. Solid, firm, assurance and promise, Jensen muttered the single word Jared needed to hear, that Jensen had been longing to say, "Home."

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

Jensen had been home a week.

It had been days of tiptoeing around one another. Slowly, not so much finding, as settling back into their easy rhythm. Nights of resolutely staying to their own side of the bed eventually given up when they only ended up like magnets, inescapably drawn to each other in sleep and waking spooned together.

A week of mounting sexual tension, building around the baby bump in the room – so to speak – and Jared couldn't take it a moment longer.  
Entering the bathroom – shower running and Jensen humming – Jared stripped and walked around the privacy wall into the walk-in shower. "Mind if I join you?"

Jensen jumped, bath sponge falling to the shower floor. "Shit you scared me!"

Jared chuckled, bending over to retrieve the soapy sponge. "Sorry 'bout that." Peripheral catching Jensen's belly, his cheek was practically against it as he made to stand up. Turning his head, he placed his lips over the formerly deep innie and kissed the whirly nub making its way to an outtie.

Snorting, Jensen ran his fingers through Jared's hair. "Figure when it finally pops out all the way, means she's done."

Laughing, Jared stood, hand cradling the prominent curve and lips finding Jensen's.

"Thought it grossed you out," Jensen mumbled amid the kiss.

" _What_?" Jared drew back, stunned and confused. "But I told you, in the hospital–"

"Yeah, well," Jensen cut him off, "thinking it's kinda cool and fascinating doesn't mean it still doesn't turn you off."

Jared took Jensen's face in his hands, made damn sure their eyes were locked. " _You_ , Jens. _Always_ gonna think you're the most beautiful creature in the world. And just so we're clear? It really, _really_ , doesn't turn me off." Proving his point, Jared stepped in as close as he possibly could, hard length of his cock pressed against the underside of Jensen's belly and gliding up along the curve.

Eyelids fluttering closed, mouth falling open, Jensen moaned, " _Fuck_ , Jay."

"Yeah. You want it, baby? Want my cock back inside you where it belongs?"

Jensen whimpered, arms wrapping around Jared's back as he uttered a broken, " _P…please_."

Jared kissed him, hard. Jensen's mouth opened to him, tongues warring, deep, demanding, _claiming_. Finally, fucking _finally_. Tender, loving, worship could wait for the next round, Jared _needed_ to make his way back into that warm and tight space that belonged only to him. Needed to meld their bodies together, no separation of any kind left between them. "Here or the bedroom?"  
They liked their shower sex. Kept a pump bottle of lube with the assorted shampoos, conditioners, and bottles of body wash. (Okay, so _technically_ there were bottles of lube inconspicuously placed in every part of the house, though the one in the shower _was_ jumbo sized.) Still, Jared wanted to be considerate of Jensen, of his possibly changing comfort needs.

Hands running wild over Jared's body, into his hair, down his chest, _any_ place Jensen could reach, he mumbled desperately against the soft underside of Jared's chin, "Here. _Now_. Need you inside me, Jay. Need it bad."

"Fuck yeah." In a swift chain of moves Jared had Jensen turned around and leaning forward braced against the shower wall, perfect peach of an ass level with his face where he'd squatted down. Spreading the pale globes of flesh, Jared dove in, flat of his tongue eliciting a long, drawn out moan from Jensen. Ravenous, he ate at Jensen's core like the starving man he was, coercing muscles to relax and plunging his tongue inside once they did. Face buried tight against him keeping him open, Jared moved his hands around to knead and stroke at the swell of Jensen's stomach, loving the broken cry he won for it.

Jensen was a sobbing mess, rutting back into the eager mouth at his hole, and swaying his bump in a circular motion against attentive hands. "Fuck, Jay, _pleeease_!"

"'Please' what, Jens?" Jared teasingly slurred, mouth occupied by things more important than words. "What do you– What the _hell_?!" Jared shouted, hands stilling against Jensen's abdomen. "It…she _moved_. She kicked!"

" _Jaaaaared_ ," Jensen whined, only to promptly giggle at the curious finger Jared was poking at his belly. "Not the first time you've felt her, Jay."

"No, I know, it's just…" Jared shook his head. He was being an idiot. And still… "While I'm doing _this_ though? I mean, what if she _knows_?!"

"Don't be an idiot, of course she doesn't _know_ ," Jensen scoffed, laughing. "Besides, kinda part of how she got there in the first place, you know?"

Jared stood up and stepped back, watched Jensen turn and look at him with fond exasperation.

"You're freaking out."

"A little, yeah. I get she's in there, you know? But while we're… I didn't think… If I can feel _her_ , does that mean she can feel _me_? Like, _inside_ you? All of that motion, and…and… Shit, Jens! What if I _hurt_ her?"

Jensen stared at Jared, blinked once, twice, three times then hung his head down between his shoulders, slowly letting it sway side-to-side. "This, little girl, is your father. He's a giant idiot, and why we can't have nice things – like making your doddy feel good in the shower."

"I'm serious, Jensen. I'm not exactly, well…" Jared looked down, hands motioning to his very much flaccid and yet none-too-small (he was a shower… _and_ a grower) cock. "What if I go poking at things that shouldn't be poked at? What if I thrust too hard and rupture something? Or, fuck, accidentally break your water and send you into premature labor?" Okay, so maybe he was more than a _little_ freaking out.

"Jared, babe, you and your gigantor dick aren't going to hurt our baby, or break anything inside me. I promise."

"But how do you _knowww_?" Jared all-out whined.

With a heavy, put-upon sigh, Jensen turned off the water and patted Jared on the chest, shaking his head as he left the shower.

"Where are you going?" Jared called, flustered and nervous, Jensen out of his sight before he thought to follow after him.

"To call your sister," Jensen tossed back at him, naked and absently drying himself with a towel as he left the bathroom and walked through their bedroom.

" _What_?" Jared shrieked, unbelieving Jensen would–

"I need to get stuffed, like _right_ the fuck now, Jay, and if you're not going to take my word for it… Because not like I'd avoid _anything_ that could hurt the baby, and not like I haven't been using a dildo this entire making-me-horny-as-hell second trimester – even though it hasn't been _remotely_ enough, 'cause it's not fucking _you_ – yes I am calling for a damned doctor's ' _okay_ ' for you to fuck me stupid." Jensen snatched his phone from his nightstand. "Siri, call Kays."

"Jensen! Don–"

"Hey ya, mister! How's the brewing going?" Kayla piped up, obviously on speaker.

Annnd…too late.

"Good, all good," Jensen replied. "Listen, Kays, sorry to bother on your day off, but Jared's afraid his ginormous–"

There it was, blunt as you please, the only mercy being the loud cackling coming over the line and cutting Jensen off. Jared would _never_ live this down.

"Stop. _Stop_!" Kayla yelled amid her guffawing hysterics. "As his sister… **things I _don't_ want to know**! As your doctor," she paused a moment, likely collecting herself, "it's perfectly safe for you and the baby. In fact, _Jared_ , it's extremely _good_ for the both of them. It's fantastic, stress relieving, exercise for Jensen. Improves his mood, his circulation, and stimulating the nerves in what will be the birth canal will help him with delivery, if he chooses natural. And for the baby? When Doddy's happy, _she's_ happy. Right now, orgasms are even more beneficial to Jensen, especially if they're coming from you. All those feel-good hormones that get released, he'll hurt less, sleep more, and they help combat the often unavoidable stress hormones that _aren't_ good for baby."

Jared heard her, he did, yet… "But, you're sure–"

" _Jared_! Seriously! You are _not_ going to traumatize her. Even if she _can_ hear your dirty talk and primal screams, she's not going to understand or care. And unless you are _literally_ hung like a horse, as long as you don't fist him, you can't hurt them!"

Jensen dropped the phone on the bed, falling sideways where he sat and roaring with tear inducing laughter.

"Laughter's fantastic too, by the way." Kayla chuckled over the speaker. "Now, are we good here?"

"I hate you both," Jared grumbled. "But yes."

"Good. Love you three, now go make mass quantities of dopamine and oxytocin, stimulate those endorphins!"

"Love you too, Kays." Sitting back up, Jensen ended the call and looked pointedly at Jared. Setting the phone aside, still naked he leaned back, albeit a tad awkwardly, and rested on his bent arms, legs spreading wantonly. "She means have sex. As in _now_ , Jay. Don't make me get the dildo."

Jared still standing there, unmoving, Jensen rolled his eyes at him before giving him _that_ look. The one that was pure, unadulterated, intense, hot like fire, _sex_. The one that never failed to have him hardening in 0.7 – Jared looked down, yup – seconds. Dropping the towel he'd slug around his waist, Jared stepped forward, shaking his head. "No dildo."  
Taking to his knees at the edge of the bed, Jared situated between Jensen's spread thighs – thick muscles he couldn't resist sinking his teeth into, each in turn. Nuzzling Jensen's scrotum, he took the chubbing dick above into his mouth. Not so much merely sucking, he made-love to it. The salty taste and silken texture, the length and girth as it firmed in the slick heat of his mouth, Jared reveled in it all. Blindly reaching for the nightstand beside him, Jared opened the draw and felt around inside for the familiar shape of the pump bottle. Two generous dollops to the middle and index tips, he maneuvered his fingers to coax Jensen's hole to yield.

"No taking your time, Jay. Two fingers, a quick stretch, then get that cock inside me, mean it."

Going to do so, it struck Jared how he couldn't look straight up the gorgeous length of Jensen's body to lock their eyes while he blew him, a mountain of baby obstructing his line of vision. Releasing Jensen's rigid cock with an audible _pop_ , Jared looked up and around to meet Jensen's eyes. "Your wish is my command."

"'bout damn time," Jensen grumbled, only to toss his head back on a long moan as Jared thrust two digits deep inside him. " _Fuck_ yeah!"

A few quick combinations of thrusts and twists, and Jared withdrew his fingers, snatching up the lube and squirting it onto his dick. "You good like this? On your back?" Jared asked, hand corkscrewing the lube over his length.

"Yeah." Jensen wiggled his ass a little on the edge of the mattress, adjusting before he laid back. "If you can hold my legs up, yeah, think I'm good. Don't figure either of us are going to last long enough for it to get uncomfortable. I'll ride you the next round."

"Fine by me, babe." Taking slender ankles in hand, Jared lifted Jensen's legs, his own knees slightly bent. No free hands, it took a bit of deft hip action to nudge his target once, twice, and…right the fuck there, Jared was slamming in, balls deep on a single thrust, making Jensen scream out with a guttural cry of pure pleasure. For Jared… It was just like coming home. Every inch buried deep inside Jensen, this was where Jared _lived_. Where he was truly alive, the realized perfection of them physically bound together. Two halves of a whole joined, complete.

"Oh _fuck_. Please, Jay, _mooove_!"

Opening eyes he hadn't realized had closed, Jared kissed the inside of Jensen's calf. "I got ya, Jens." Withdrawing until just the tip was inside, Jared drove back in, swiftly setting a punishing rhythm both of them demanded. Jensen had been right: this wasn't gonna last.

A minute at most, and Jensen was crying out, "Right there, Jay, right _the fuck_ **there**! Don't even need… Just. Like. That!"

"Not even gonna need a hand on your cock, are you? Gonna come undone, just like this. So beautiful for me, let me see you lose it, baby. Shoot all over that gorgeous belly, all full up, deeper than I ever thought I could get, with what I put inside you."

Jensen screamed. Head thrown back, bedspread caught up in his fists, and streaks of white painting the underside of his belly.

Jared followed with a roar. A final slam forward, grinding against the splay of Jensen's ass as he shot his load. Streaks and starbursts going off behind his closed eyelids, it took Jared a moment to come back around, words out of his mouth before he was fully coherent, "You okay?"

"I…I…"

"Jensen?" Quickly easing Jensen's legs down, Jared leaned over him, frantic though careful of putting too much pressure on the baby. "Shit, are you–"

Jensen laughed, closed eyes opening and twinkling with bliss. "Oh, we are _sooo_ doing that again!"

**_~J + J~_ **

The second guest bedroom became the nursery. Soft heathered lavenders and greens were sponge painted onto three of the walls, while a friend of theirs came in and painted a whimsical forest mural on the fourth where the crib was centered. Walnut furniture, in a medium sienna finish, was placed around the room: crib, dresser, changing table, two bookshelves, toy chest, and rocker, all a matching set. White, plush, faux-fur rugs were laid about on the hardwood floors. And Tango the penguin sat watch atop the toy chest.

Entering the room, Jared took it all in. Nearly finished, it had continued to be the main focus of Jensen's " _nesting_ " – not that any of the other rooms had escaped various faternal touches. Even Jared's office had acquired a sturdy, ornately carved, antique rocker, along with a baby monitor.

"Hey," Jensen greeted from the floor, a laundry basket full of baby clothes beside him, and neatly folded little piles gathering between his spread legs. "Glad you're here. I got down easy enough, but figure I'll realize exactly what a grave error I've made when I go to get up."

Jared chuckled. "I'll stay close. Hoist ya up when you're ready. So what'cha up to, besides the obvious?"

Jensen shrugged. "Only a few weeks to go, figured it was a good time to wash everything and put it away, ready for use."

"You gettin' nervous?"

"Honestly? Not really. If anything, right now, for the first time feeling envious of not being a girl and all."

"What?" Jared questioned, puzzled. "How's that?"

"Well, if I were a woman, this would be it. Forty weeks. Check out time for this little girl, vacate the womb please."

Jared snorted at the corny joke.

"But _nooo_ … Carriers have to go forty- _five_ weeks. Which makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever, considering Carrier babies are–"

"Smaller. Like, not underdeveloped, just…petite. I read that in a few of the books. Men's bodies aren't designed to carry and deliver larger babies, and, well, _where_ they come out, not as yielding as with a woman."

"Huh. You really did read up on all this, didn't you?"

"Got a stack of dog-eared books in my office to prove it." Jared smiled, the fond expression on Jensen's face, aimed at him, making his insides feel like warm jelly. "So, speaking of size and delivery, you decided yet if you're going to deliver naturally?"

"I'd like to. The birthing classes prepared us for either, but I'd like to keep things as natural as possible. Guess it all depends on if Kayla feels certain enough this little girl here, sittin' on my bladder, will be under seven pounds. If she is, Kayla's game. Figures when it's time she'll get me into one of those cushy 'spa' birthing rooms. Soaking tubs, birthing balls, double beds, even got those gymnastics ring thingamajigs, so you can grab on and squat it out if you want. Nothing ' _traditional_ ' about them except for being right there in the hospital…just in case."

"Do you, uh… Think you'll want me there?" Jared asked, afraid of the answer.

"Jared." Jensen tried to get up, huffed, then exasperatedly grumped, "Get over here."

Walking over from where he'd been leaning in the doorway, Jared plunked down behind Jensen – long legs astride his, arms wrapping round his chest, and chin propped on his shoulder.

Jensen entwined his arms with Jared's. "You and Kayla. All I want, and good Lord willing, all I'll need."

"What about Glory? I know she went to the birthing classes with you."

"She understands. Already figured it when I told her we'd worked things out."

"Hmm."

"' _Hmm_ '? What'cha thinkin'?"

"I guess… We have, you know. Worked things out, that is. You're back home, with me, where you belong. And I'm even, I don't know, _excited_ about the baby?"

"But?" Jensen posed, his tone easy and his body relaxed, head leaning against Jared's.

"Dr. Pendry, she's helped me a lot. 'm not afraid of resenting you, or the baby, anymore. And even though I don't quite love her yet, I care about her. Pretty sure I'll _grow_ to love her. _But_ , what I am terrified of, is that I'm going to be a shit father. That no matter how hard I try, how open I am to this change and giving and flexing with it, that I'll still fail at being what she needs, what _you_ need me to be for her."

Head turning towards Jared, Jensen's lips lovingly pressed firm to his temple. "Love you so damn much, babe."

Jared hugged him closer.

"Just that you went to a ' _head shrinker_ ', as you oh so mockingly have called them in the past. On your own, even if anyone suggested it, no one forcing you. You've got to know that speaks volumes to how much you've not only grown, but your willingness to make this, us, the _three_ of us, work. Jay, if I hadn't sensed that awakening maturity in you, if I didn't believe in you, in your ability to come to love our baby and do everything you can to be a good dad to her, I woulnd't've come home."

Jared turned his head, claiming Jensen's lips with a tender kiss. A promise. "I know we're down to the wire here, but… I checked around, and there's this twice a week for two weeks crash course Lamaze class for fothers-to-be… It starts Thursday, and I was kinda hoping you might–"

Jensen cut Jared off, body craned best he could to kiss every inch of Jared's face amid an enthusiastic litany of "yeses" and words of affection.

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **

"You! Out!"

Jared froze mid-stride. He was pretty sure Jensen was talking to their daughter – sprawled out on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, bowl of watermelon chunks and maple bourbon pickles balanced on the bump being fixedly poked at – but considering the precariously swinging pendulum that had been Jensen's mood swings, he wasn't willing to risk it. "Uh…me?"

"No not you, **_her_**! The little squatter! Thinks she's got a point to prove, being a bullheaded Taurus."

Jared dared to chuckle lightly, thankfully only getting an annoyed huff for it.

"As if forty- _five_ damn weeks wasn't enough, nooooo, she's got to be all stubborn, overstay her welcome in there another week. Well that's it! Kid, this is your eviction notice!" Jensen grabbed the bowl on his belly and moved it to the sofa, wheeling his arms for the momentum to stand. "Jared, strip."

"What, _now_? _Again_?" 

And there it was, the monumental, "I'm a week past due, don't fucking question me." bitchface. _Annnd_ …there it went. 

Shit. 

Bitchface crumpling as fast as it came, Jensen's face seemed to melt with the onslaught of messy, ugly tears. "You…" Hitch. "You don–" Sniff. "Don't." Hitch. "W _aaaaant_ me!" Jensen turned loose a heart-wrenching sob.

Oh yeah, he done fucked up. Jared dropped the paperwork in his hands, rushing over to Jensen's side, tearing his t-shirt off as he went – material literally ripping at the seams. "Babe, baby, Jens, honey." Jared took tear-damp cheeks between his hands, peppering Jensen's face in kisses. "Sweetheart, since the moment I met you, there hasn't been a single second where I haven't wanted you."

"Liar."

"Okay, fair enough. So I'm not a monster who thinks, 'Huh, I'd like to tap that.' while you're on your knees, over the toilet puking your guts up. I'm a total heathen for not wondering if you maybe'd rather suck my dick than cuddle when you're upset."

Jensen sniffed. "Point."

"Thank you. And what I _meant_ , yet so ineloquently said, was that I was just kinda surprised. Already went twice this morning, and you, well, seemed a little sore."

Shrugging, Jensen leaned forward, resting his head on Jared's chest – instinctually it was tucked under Jared's chin, strong arms enfolding him in a comforting embrace. "Am. Little bit. Still feels good though. Go round with you inside me all the time if I could."

Jared laughed. "Yeah, that might get a little awkward. Think of all the traumatized guys at the gym, or the scandalized little old ladies in the grocery store."

"Might be worth it just for that alone."

Barking out a hearty guffaw, Jared pulled Jensen in closer. "You're so bad. How's about we settle for me taking you over the back of the couch? Let any low-flying planes get a good look?"

"Mmmm, the sweet things you do say." Jensen swayed in Jared's arms, little kisses pressed scattered over his bare chest. "Sure you want to? Don't have'ta."

"Know I don't have to, but yeah, I'm su–" Jared startled, cut off by surprise, shock, a sudden gush of warm wet over his bare feet. "Uhhh…Jens? I think, um…"

Jensen drawing back from Jared's embrace, pupils blown wide he glanced down, then quickly back up, shock turning to fond mirth. "Think it's about damn time, is what I think. Let's do this!"

**_~J + J~_ **

Kayla was already at the hospital. Unfortunately, she was in the middle of an unexpected difficult, and lengthy, procedure. She couldn't be disturbed, so her answering service said.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

"My handsome, and very, _very_ , tall, friends!"

Checking in at Greater Seattle Maternity Hospital reception, Jensen and Jared turned in unison at the familiar Russian accent…and promptly shrieked, bodies flinching backwards with Jensen reaching for Jared, Jared instinctually tucking him behind, protective.

"I am on-call doctor, here to deliver your detka! I am sorry your family is deranged."

" _Deranged_?!" Jared squawked.

"No-no-no-no," Jensen muttered behind Jared's back.

"Is not right. De…de…detailed!"

"It's detained! _Detained_!" Jensen yelled, only to double over with a contraction. "O _wwwww_ …get him away from me!"

"Please, I only want to be helping. I have improved much with American extermination tables. No more _whoopsies_ ," Dr. Antakov tossed his hands up in the air on the word, an embarrassed, if slightly manic, smile on his face, "with troublemaking stirrups."

Panting, Jensen used Jared's body to pull himself mostly upright. "Look, you mad, crazy-ass Russian, there will be no _ex **am** ination_ tables, no stirrups. We are using a birthing room, which you will **NOT** be in, I swear I will hold my daughter in until Kayla gets here, so help me!"

"Someone say my name?" came with a shout from down the hall, Kayla at a jog as she made her way to reception. Already a little breathless, the wind was knocked out of her as Jensen and Jared both launched themselves at her in a full bodycheck embrace. " _Oomphff_! Glad to see me, I take it?"

"You have _no_ idea," Jared huffed.

"Oh, I might have _some_ idea," Kayla whispered back. Untangling an arm to dismissively motion at the man, Kayla called out, "I've got this, Yuri. But thank you!"

"Is beautiful happy family, yes!" Dr. Antakov cheered, clapping his hands excitedly. "Many wonderful wishes for your datka!"

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Forty-five minutes later – crisis averted and Kayla giving him an initial once-over – Jensen was cradled between Jared's legs and arms, resting back against his chest in a soaking tub.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Another fifteen minutes and he was leaning forward braced against Jared's chest, strong arms steadying him and hips rotating on the birthing ball as he groaned his way through a strong contraction.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

Thirty minutes more, and Jared was simultaneously rubbing his lower back and feeding Jensen ice chips.

**_~ ~ ~_ **

An hour later, Jensen's face buried against the hollow of Jared's throat as he grimaced through another exam, Kayla leaned back and pulled off her gloves with a sharp _snap-snap_. "It's about that time, boys. Going to have you start pushing on the contractions, Jensen, just like you've practiced."

" _What_? Already? I thought it'd be _hours_ yet?"

"Hey, count yourself lucky, mister, usually is. Sometimes, even with your first, if the baby's overdue it goes quick. Like once they finally get with the program, that's it. Think that extra week of brewing saved you a lengthy labor." Kayla patted Jensen affectionately on the outside of his thigh. "Rest a few minutes. I'm going to check on another patient, right down the hall, real quick, and I'll be back and we can get my niece out here to properly meet her doddy and dad…and her Aunty Kays."

Left alone, Jared pressed a tender kiss to Jensen's forehead. "You ready for this?"

Jensen nodded, sighed against Jared and inhaled his soothing scent. "Been ready. You?"

"Nervous. Excited. Scared of seeing you in pain and not being able to do anything for it."

"You're here. That's enough. Just promise now you'll forgive anything horrible I say to you, or call you?"

Jared chuckled. "Promise. I'll even forgive you now for any potential bodily harm you may inflict."

"Greatly appreciated. I'll try to avoid _permanent_ damage." Jensen snickered.

"Love you, Jens."

"Love you too, Jay."

**_~ ~ ~_ **

From hands and knees on a pile of huge pillows on the floor, to dangling from the rings, to back to the pillows on all fours, and finally to the bed and on his side – Jared's right hand holding Jensen's, the other holding up his top leg.

Another hour having passed, it was finally time.

"Look, baby brother, your daughter is about to come into the world."

"No-no-no-no," Jared mumbled under his breath, shaking his head vigorously. Imagining the horror he would see, he felt a sudden kinship with the legendary No-No internet meme cat.

"Dammit, Jared! So help me, if I can push her out you are damn well gonna look!"

"I don't _wannnnna_ ," Jared wailed, still forcing himself to shuffle sideways, closer, closer, dammit why did Jensen have to be right, and closer to where his sister was between Jensen's splayed legs, looking down and back… A sudden gush of fluid and ick, Jared's stomach rolled, something way too damn big to be coming outta Jensen's ass was pushing through the circle off too-taut skin… Head bobbing up and looking at Jensen, the words popped out, "Marry me."

" _What_?!" Jensen, and Kayla both, echoed in unison.

"Marry me, Jensen," Jared repeated, glancing down to glimpse even more of the baby's head emerging. He couldn't even fathom the pain.

"Little busy here right now, Jared. But nooo, you had to ask me n–" Jensen slammed his eyes shut and threw his head back, "n _ooooowww_ , oh _fuck_! Get her out, get her out!"

"All on you, mister," Kayla replied. "Next push, Jensen, this is the one."

"Just say yes, Jens. For us, for her."

"Now, Jensen, push!"

"Yesssss," Jensen screamed, squeezing every ounce of pain into Jared's hand.

Jared cried out just as loud, pain (oh yeah, he'd totally have to get his hand looked at…later), joy, and a rush of unfettered love. He glanced down…and saw his daughter's face. Scrunched up and angry purple, looking more withered apple than human, the feeling was still indescribable as he gazed down at her – Kayla turning her and gentling her the rest of the way from inside Jensen, shoulders slipping free with minimal coaxing.

In a swift and practiced series of moves, Kayla had the baby's airways checked and cleared, and was promptly placing her onto Jensen's bare chest. "Say hello to your daughter, boys."

"Oh," Jensen gasped, astonished. "Oh wow, Jay, just look at her. Hi, baby. Hi, sweet girl," he cooed, running his fingertips over pink skin still covered in goo. "Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

"Not quite sure 'beautiful' is the word– **_Ooohff_**!" Jared's breath was punched out of him by a fistful of righteous new fother fury straight to the solar plexus. He coughed, struggling to regain his ability to breathe.

"What did I tell you, baby girl. Why we can't have nice things."

"Hey! I'm kinda why you _have_ this brand new 'nice thing', thank you very much," Jared protested, reaching out and stroking a finger along the furrows in his daughter's brow. "And FYI, I was gonna say she's perfect. Scrunched face, wrinkled skin, covered in gunk and all. Absolutely perfect."

"Nice save," Kayla uttered under her breath, knocking into her brother's side as she moved in to check her niece.

Jared gazed, enthralled, at the delicate little creature on Jensen's chest. Small mouth forming a perfect O as she yawned, slowly her eyes fluttered open…blinking against the world, and seeking until they seemed to lock with Jensen's.

"Hey there, Trista Rose, so you're the one who's been bouncing on my bladder at 3 a.m. for the last month, huh? Yeah you are."

Witnessing them staring at one another, how intently they were fixated… And there it was… Love. Even if it was only because she was a part of Jensen. If only because _Jensen_ loved her. How could Jared not love her too?

"Ah, and there it is," Kayla proclaimed. "So _that's_ the moment. Personally? I was banking on when he held her." Kayla shrugged, shoving a box of tissues at her openly crying brother.

"Meh. I figured when he cut the cord." Jensen shrugged too, winking at Kayla before motioning Jared closer. "Get in here, Daddy."

Not a second of hesitation, Jared went. Right arm slipping around Jensen's shoulders, cheek coming to rest in dark-blonde hair, Jared's left hand tenderly cradled his daughter. Curled up as she was, he marveled at how his hand nearly encompassed her.

Seeming to be rooting around his chest, Jensen resituated Trista ever so slightly…and nature took its course, the newborn instinctually latching on to Jensen's nipple.

"Wow," Jared breathed, awed.

"Yeah, try oww," Jensen grumbled good-naturedly. "Your daughter's got a mouth like a Hoover. And don't you _dare_ say it, Jay."

Jared blushed furiously under his sister's knowing and amused gaze.

"Not to ruin the moment here, but speaking of cutting the cord… Who wants the honor?"

"Jared?" Jensen asked, looking at him with trusting expectation.

"Uh…together?"

Kayla chuckled lightly, obviously knowing she had her answer. Clamps and scissors at the ready, she stepped in closer and gingerly arranged things, careful not to jostle Trista from the nipple she was going to town on. "She's got that nailed, no latching issues with this one. Glad to see it. After we do this, I'll give her another Apgar, then start on getting the cord blood collected. Give you two a few minutes alone after that, be within shouting distance if you need me."

Nodding in unison as they gently shifted around, Jared took the scissors Kayla handed him, Jensen's hand going over his. Between the two clamps…they snipped.

**_~J + J~_ **

Jensen startled awake. Lying there, in that murky space between sound asleep and waking, he was acutely aware of two things: Trista was NOT crying, and Jared was NOT beside him. Jared was up with her and all was well, was the simple conclusion, Jensen free to roll over and fall back asleep. Prepared to do just that, a soft sound caught his ear… Music.  
Ah, so it was one of _those_ nights.

Five-weeks-old, and Trista wasn't a particularly fussy baby…except when she was. Some nights, she could break your heart with how distraught she seemed, Jensen and Jared trying everything they could think of to sooth her, until finally – for their own desperate need for calm – Jared had turned on some gentle music while Jensen had paced with Trista. Barely through the first chorus, she'd settled. Some nights it took a song, or three, before she'd eventually drift off, but give their girl a soft melody – preferably with prominent strings – and that was the charm.

Shuffling out to the living room, Jensen idly scratched at his belly that had mostly returned to its former pooch – as opposed to looking as if he'd swallowed a bowling ball. As for the " _man boobs_ ", well… He'd made his peace with them, found a sense of pride in their purpose.

"Hey," Jared offered softly, gently bouncing their daughter as he paced the length of the sofa and back with her. "Music didn't wake you, did it?"

"Nah, just…sensed?" Jensen shrugged, walking over to the pair that were essentially his life. Hand reaching out to stroke along the fine, strawberry-blonde hairs covering Trista's head, he looked down to where her cheek was squished against Jared's bare chest. Sleepy blue eyes greeted him. "Hi there, baby girl. You wake Daddy up for a bit of late night dancing? Huh, sweetheart?"

Blinking at him, eyelids getting heavy, Trista yawned wide, nuzzling her dainty little nose against her daddy's chest.

Jensen went to his toes, kissing Jared on his temple. "You're so good with her, Daddy."

Jared caught Jensen's lips, a sweet press before he locked their gazes – an entire conversation without a spoken word between them, assurances, promises, and proclamations of love.

Pressing in closer, Jensen wrapped an arm around Jared's back, head resting on his shoulder, other hand finding its way to entwine with the hands already supporting their daughter. Content, no other place he'd rather be, Jared and Trista _home_ , Jensen joined them in their peaceful sway to the music.

"… _Go on beyond your way, and see. And though…ohhohhohhhhh, the sounds of someday, may be home_ …"

**_~XoX~ Ten Months ~XoX~_ **


End file.
